What do I know about really fearing to die?
But when I was sitting on my settee with my entire body going numb, I wasn't thinking of how young I was or how healthy I was. I was thinking that the numbness starting on my left side was a sign of a stroke; I was thinking that the faintness was just further proof that my body was failing me. In that moment, I believed nothing else but that I was going to die. It didn't occur to me that this random, terrifying event was a panic attack.
I also didn't anticipate the hollow dread that overcame me that night would last until two years later. But it has. And here I am, at 25, writing an article about what it's taught me.
If you're expecting me to say how I've learnt that life is short and we need to make the most of it, you'll be disappointed. It's true, of course. Life is short, and spending your time worrying about the inevitable is just wasting time. Yet, it's something I've struggled to stop.
